Offbeat

Useless Inventions: What the World Needs Now

With all respect for the driving force behind ingenuity and the creative spirit, sometimes ideas are better left alone for their fruition either serves no purpose or is absurdly redundant. Consider these useless inventions below, some of which may make you smile but ultimately serve no purpose in the scheme of modern life.

The Self-Twirling Spaghetti Fork

This invention is perfect for the person too lazy to eat spaghetti and it sells for $US 27. It runs on two AAA batteries and guarantees “more satisfying bites and 100% twirling fun.” BimBamBanana did carry this product but it is often strangely out of stock when requested for sale. Go figure.

The Rainy Day Cigarette Holder

Need a cigarette even though it’s raining and you know what evil they do? No need to huddle like a child molester in an alley when you need a fix and it happens to be raining. This mini-umbrella won’t keep you dry but it will keep your “cancer stick” well lit.

Kitty Wigs

As if your poor kitty doesn’t have enough to do resenting your presence and barely tolerating you as a pet owner, now you can transform your feline into a parody of Cher or even Cleopatra with the electric blue masterpiece illustrated below. Are toupees for dogs next?

Anti-Bandit Bags

This invention is actually quite clever although alas, still useless and worthy of discussion here. This is a briefcase designed to fall apart should some thief try to wrench it from your grasp. Everything falls to the ground and is scattered everywhere about, which could prove embarrassing on occasion.

Motorized Ice Cream Cones

Mother of someone please reveal the need for this thing! The reason people enjoy ice cream cones is because of the challenge they pose to eat them without getting splattered. This invention rotates the ice cream as it sits in a completely inedible container.

The Watch-View Jacket

For those unfortunates among us who may have purchased a fancy new watch and have discovered that shirtsleeves cover it. Some ingenious entrepreneur has created this unusual jacket that is equipped with a see-through panel that allows the viewer to check the time without losing wrist warmth.

Do you have any useless inventions to add to this list?

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