Offbeat

11 of the Worst Bacon Products Ever Produced

There’s a rule that bacon makes everything taste better.

We add it to burgers, fries, pizza and even salad. There’s nothing that we enjoy more than a nice, crispy piece of bacon.

Because we love bacon so much, some people had the genius notion to make a pretty penny off our favorite pork product.

11. Bacon in a Can

bacon-in-a-can1

I guess this could come in handy if your in a bind and need a bacon fix. Each can has 40 to 50 slices of precooked bacon, and apparently tastes good. But the truly disturbing thing about bacon in a can is that it is a shelf like of 10 years! Sorry, I just don’t trust anything with a shelf life that long.

10. Bacon Tie

bacon-tie

Every guy should own a suit. And, every guy should own a gimmick tie. But a bacon tie? Nothing says that your serious about upward mobility like a tie advertising your high risk of a heart attack.

9. Bacon Watch

bacon-watch

I guess you need a watch to match that tie, right chief? The only useful thing about the bacon watch is that it gives you the times in between those aforementioned heart attacks.

8. Bacon Air Freshner

bacon-freshener

As if the natural smell of a bacon cheeseburger wasn’t enough to consume your car, you can keep that smell all day, everyday.

7. Gummy Bacon

gummy-bacon

Gummy Bears are good. Gummy bacon not so good. Why would any guy want to eat a gooey candy version of his favorite crispy meat?

6. Bacon Flu Soap

bacon-soap

This was made to get either men children or morons to wash their hands. If you really want to be a baconatic you can always make your own bacon soap.

5. Bacon Bandages

bacon-bandages

So you got a boo-boo, instead of using your trusty Scooby-doo bandages, use bandages that look like a cured piece of pork instead.

4. Bacon Chocolate

bacon-chocolate

Somethings are great when paired together. Milk and cookies. Peanut butter and jelly. Beer and cigarettes. Bacon and chocolate. Wait, that doesn’t sound good. Why on earth would you tarnish the delicious tastes of chocolate and bacon?

3. Bacon-flavored Dental Floss

bacon-floss

I guess you need the taste of bacon to wash out the taste of bacon.

2. Bacon Lube

bacon-lube

Nothing is more sexy to a girl then being lubed up with some pork fat.

1. Squeezable Bacon

squeezable-bacon

This unnatural product is made for people who are either lazy or mentally disabled. Is it really that hard to sizzle some bacon in a pan for a few minutes?

Leave a Comment

  1. I nearly gagged when I saw the squeezable bacon! Looks like raw meat. I guess it was only a matter of time though.

    The Bacon Lube should be outlawed. That's just wrong!

  2. Rob says:

    Everything is better with bacon on it…I think the bacon lube is fantastic. Especially if you've ever wanted to experience what it's like to be in a Denny's naked without being arrested =) Let's just call it KYte Trash lol.

  3. Kelly says:

    wow… that's… really sad. Do people actually buy these things?

  4. pete says:

    The best bacon sandwich is peanut butter and bacon, it's great you must admit the more you clog your arteries at a time the better

  5. Anon says:

    you do know the squeeze bacon was a ThinkGeek joke, and not real, right? Right?

  6. Hundro says:

    You missed Baconnaise, bacon flavored mayo.

    http://www.baconnaise.com/

  7. Megan says:

    Chocolate-covered bacon is delicious!

  8. Bacohn says:

    1. Squeeze bacon and bacon lube were both April Fools jokes.
    2. Bacon Chocolate is perfect; maybe you should actually try these products before you start making fun of them.
    3. Anything in a can lasts 10 years.
    4. Bacon is credited by the world's oldest people to their longevity.
    5. The smell of bacon is actually the most tantalizing smell in the world.
    6. Gummy bacon only looks like bacon. Apparently you can't read because it says "Strawberry Flavor!" right on it.
    7. Floss is to get things out of your teeth. Bacon does not get stuck in your teeth unless you need some serious braces.
    8. You actually didn't make fun of the bacon band-aids.
    9. The only thing bad about the soap is that one might accidentally eat it.
    10. Again, maybe you should try these products before you go bashing them.
    11. Bacon is the meat of champions.

  9. chaoslost says:

    I agree with Bacohn. Perhaps a little research before writing? If you went to the website where Squeeze bacon is for sale you'd know it was a joke. I don't have much to say about the other items but the chocolate with bacon is out of this world. Even my skeptical girl friend thought it was delicious.

  10. BlU says:

    Don't knock Mo's Backon bar until you've tried it.I couldn't believe it until my fiance bought it as a gag, but it is pretty darned good.

  11. Lars Vargas says:

    #4: Have you tried this chocolate? I have and it’s terrific. Sure the combination sounds odd, but the chocolate enhances the sweetness of the bacon and the bacon enhances the smokiness of the chocolate. The salt adds something nice to it all. The only bad part is the price at roughly $7 a bar!

    #8: You may have somewhat of a point on this one. I got one of these as a gift as my friends and family know of my love of bacon. It does smell of bacon, in a smoky sense, but there’s a chemical whiff to it as well. Not terrible, but not quite that fresh-sizzlin’ smell that comes to mind when I think of bacon.

    It’s apparent that all you did was go out and find a few products to make fun of without actually testing any of them. Sure the bacon tie, watch and bandages are goofy, but that’s the purpose! They might be odd, but there’s nothing inherently bad about them. I’m sure the quality is good enough if not a bit better than similar products.And hey … bacon!

    All in all, you should show baocn products some love. Don’t be a hater! 🙂

  12. Kitty4777 says:

    Stop hating on bacon!

  13. Paulette says:

    I love it.. I just love it… The lube though.. might just get something eaten that you so do not want eaten… LOL! Certain areas were just not meant to smell like food!

  14. Helm says:

    "Bacon and chocolate. Wait, that doesn’t sound good." a whell sourced review there, misunderstood jokes and random negitivity! bacon works with alsorts of sweet foods, you should try a bacon and hunny stir fry!
    now I'm hungry…

  15. H!P K!TTEN says:

    You forgot about Bacon-aise….Mayonaise flavored bacon. You can have a BLT without having to actually cook up the B 🙂
    Nice list! Cracked me up 🙂

  16. H!P K!TTEN says:

    Yes, Kelly, people really do buy this stuff….my sister buys Baconaise for her food, she loves it! She has the rest of the stuff just for her personal collection, lol.

  17. erak says:

    In addition to the bacon bar (really, try it before you hate it), Vosges now makes bacon toffee that ain't bad either. (The chocolate bar is better though.)

  18. Erik says:

    The bacon lube and squeezeable bacon were april fools pranks. And the Gummi bacon only looks like bacon, it's strawberry flavored.