Offbeat

6 Strippers Caught Performing in Ridiculously Inappropriate Places

Some of you may think there’s no such thing as an “inappropriate” place to have a stripper. And while we may agree with you on that argument as well, unfortunately, we’re not the norm of society. In otherwards, we have a sick disease and we need to be treated for it.

The truth is, as these stories will attest too, there is such a thing as having a stripper in the wrong place at the wrong time. We only wish we could have been there to witness it.

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1. A Twelve-Year-Old’s Birthday Party
By his own admission, Edward L. Gordon was trying to be a “cool dad.” His son was turning the big one-two. The son invited two of his friends’ over for a small birthday party. Surveying the soiree, Edward Gordon decided the only thing that could make it better was some 18-year-old naked pussy shaking about the place.

After calling a service, an 18-year-old stripper came over to the party. In front of the three twelve year-olds, the dad, his girlfriend, and probably a balloon-animal clown, the 18-year old performed her routine.

When police came to investigate the party, Gorton played it smooth. He reiterated his whole case- he was trying to be a “cool dad.” The police then did something that Edward Gorton probably felt was totally not cool. They arrested him, his girlfriend, and the stripper. But, certainly this is an isolated incident. No one else hires strippers for their underage kids birthday parties, right?

Good Lord, kill us, now.

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2. The Subway:
When society is unfair, noble citizens often take action. However, the truest heroes are those who take action in some way that involves titties. Monserrat Morilles was fed up with the prudish Chilean society, so she decided to become the stripping subway bandit.

Making sure there were no children on board, Monserrat would strip down while doing a pole dance, throwing on her overcoat and darting away before police could arrive. “We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further,” Morilles said upon arrest. This sounds like a good idea at first (more subway titties), but it’s actually a ridiculously bad idea when you consider the average subway patron (bag lady titties).

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3. A Police Station
Okay, let us set the story. Picture it: You’re a policeman. Well, actually your more like a part-time policeman. Who doesn’t get paid. What do you do first?

If you work for the police of Clear Lake Shores, Texas, the answer is, “go harass strippers.”

Three volunteer officers brought a stripper back to the station for questioning. Soon enough, she was putting on a show for the gentlemen on top of a police desk. The stripper wasn’t charged with a crime, so whatever she did totally worked.

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4. City Hall:
We had no idea that it was relatively common for strippers to perform at baby showers. How do you give a lap dance to a woman that’s eight months pregnant?

One such baby shower strip show was  complicated by the fact that the show happened in City Hall. Video surfaced of a raucous strip-show for a bunch of baby-hungry spouses in a Florida city council chamber. His performance (which we assume creatively used the City Hall gavel) aroused the suspicion of council-members, who launched a full-scale investigation, which probably involved interviewing hundreds of strippers.

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5. A High School Classroom:
Like all law-violating public sex shows, this one started off as harmless fun involving a gorilla. For her son’s 16th birthday, a British mom decided to hire a man in a gorilla suit to terrorize her son during school. However, the company from whom she hired the gorilla made an error. Showing the kind of dementia only a psycho sex freak shows, the booking company sent over a stripper instead of a gorilla man.

Apparently, this wasn’t just any stripper, either. Further adding to the hilarity, this stripper/dominatrix approached the boy during class. She put a collar and leash on him, parading him on all fours around the room while whipping him. Then, she stripped down to her lingerie and told the boy to rub lotion all over her. At this point, the teacher stopped the show. We would’ve followed up with this story, but we’ve been too busy sending Craigslist Casual Encounters whores to Bible Studies classes.

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6. A Funeral:
Everyone’s dad has a hidden vice, something they waited to do after their children were asleep. Sometimes it’s getting shit-faced on grocery store gin… sometimes it’s chain smoking… sometimes it’s rounding up homeless people and filming them playing Twister in the basement (thanks, dad). Cai Ruigong’s daddy must’ve loved the smell of crumpled one-dollar-bills and brass cleaner, because he couldn’t get enough of the gentlemen’s clubs. He lived to be 103, so that’s a totally legitimate part of a healthy lifestyle.

Cai felt that strippers so embodied his father’s life, that he hired one to do her act at his funeral. For what must’ve been a completely awkward 10 minutes, the stripped paraded around the coffin, taking her clothes off. According to witnesses, the dead father enjoyed the show, and had a stiffy for weeks afterward.

Next time you think a stripper may be a good idea, make sure to re-evaluate the situation, just in case. See ya at the club gals (where you belong!)

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