Lifestyle

AMOG’s Guide to Shooting Your Own Homemade Porn

So you’re tired of the same old naughty movies and you’ve somehow convinced/paid a woman to star in your own private movie (because you don’t want to trick her unknowingly, realizing the legal repercussions) and you just don’t know to go about it.

Worry not, friends, because this handy guide will show you how to get your amateur homemade pornography hobby started. Worried about finding the right woman or finding a camera a little higher quality than your webcam? Let’s get this party started.

1) Convincing your girlfriend/wife to get down with the idea

Let’s face it, there is really no right way to broach this subject with your significant other. You don’t want to end up like this guy, who asked his woman to star in a movie with him and it didn’t exactly go well. You should approach the idea slowly. First, gently introduce the idea of adding some some porn watching into your intimate time. Start off with the lame HBO softcore stuff and go from there. Make it less about you and the porn star on camera and more about you two as a couple. Make her feel sexy and special and your chances increase exponentially.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lD1rLhy5CQ[/youtube]

Also, she is probably afraid that if you break up, your naughty videos will vengefully show up on the Internet. Give her the master key to the porn, so that she knows exactly where it is at all times and destroy it if she ends up thinking you’re a douche bag. Always have a secret copy somewhere in case this happens.

2) Getting a girl who is not your girlfriend/wife to get down with the idea

Let’s presume the whole reason why you want to make your own porn is because you want the adventure of doing a woman you don’t really know on camera. Although many legit porn stars will only work for credentialed producers and directors, you can still rent a porn star or escort for your amorous adventures. I’m not quite sure the legality of the whole situation, but at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, where this stuff is legal, you can negotiate terms with your intended co-star. Try Eros Guide, an escort service that caters to many US cities.

If worse comes to worse and you’re a broke ass dude trying to do this on a limited budget, why not just try Craigslist?

3) Getting the right gear

Ok, so you’re past step 1 and found a woman to star in your private movie. Now you want a camera with higher quality than the shit attached to your computer. You ┬ácan get a decent cheap camcorder for under $200. If a hand held camera isn’t what you’re going for, and insist on using a webcam, you can shop and compare from a wide variety here.

Once you get the camera, here is a site to help you build a great DIY video rig, with much of the stuff you can buy for less than $50. If you can find your own camera man, here is a steady cam rig you can build yourself for $14 dollars!

4) Setting the mood

Now you got the girl and the gear, now lets set the mood. Here are some good tips before you start shooting:

Shave and trim before shooting (This goes for you, the dude, too. You don’t have to go pre-pubescent short, but you don’t want to look like Tarzan.)

Get condoms if it’s with a porn star/escort. You want to actually watch the movie again in the future without being reminded of the time you got genital warts.

Cover up leg marks with stockings.

Use makeup, but not stage/film quantities.

When you don’t have a camera man, familiarize yourself with remote controls, self timers, and editing if applicable.

You should probably familiarize yourself with something called 2257, just in case you decide to post your stuff online.

Find a balance between focusing on the camera and focusing on the act.

Make full use of available props and costumes. If you are too embarrassed to go into your local sex shop, you can purchase kinky stuff online pretty much everywhere.

5) Doing the deed

If you don’t want to watch yourself doing lame repressed Protestant sexual positions, read up on some sexy Kama Sutra stuff you can use. You don’t want to do anything too crazy or requires 6 months of yoga before hand, but if you’ve gotten this far, might as well make it interesting. Make sure to talk dirty and get your girl to throw in some dramatic moaning and screaming, too.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPIxQKXK5WM[/youtube]

6) Preserving your romp for all time

As previously stated, you might want to give your girl the illusion she has control over your personal porn, but you want to keep it forever. Make sure to burn it on a high quality DVDR, and you can check out reviews here. After you save your masterpiece on a DVD, you need to hide it where she will never find it. What you need is a piece of furniture with hidden compartments. Keep in mind, as you are probably well aware, if she finds it accidentally she will kill you.

Leave a Comment

  1. Taryn says:

    I love this. Good luck getting the girl!

  2. Laurel says:

    Ha, ha. If a woman truly thinks a guy gets rid of any nude pictures or home made films then she is a fool. If your girlfriend is worried about what you might do with it then just don't include her whole face in the camera. Advice for women- -keep your own copy as well and make sure he is in the film as much as you are that way you both have as much to lose if one partner gets stupid in the future.
    It takes a lot of trust to make a film so be trustworthy and don't tell her lies. Once you lie to a woman your relationship is pretty much over. If it is already over then be upstanding and keep your word.
    Lastly, let her do the editing so she is comfortable with it being "her best" views. Usually women don't care if they look hot. Oh, and don't post it on the ex-gf site!