Get Hot in the Snow: The Top 5 Mountain Resorts to Pick Up Women

More so than oysters or champagne, snow seems to make a great aphrodisiac!

Our theory on this is that cold brings the blood to the surface, improving circulation to the naughty bits. But you don’t have to take our word for it – ask any jet-setting swordsman instead.

He’ll probably tell you that ski resorts are a better destination for holiday romance than even beach resorts. See, ski resorts offer all the fun and exciting nightlife of the beach, plus log fires and a good reason to share body heat. If that sounds good to you, check out some of the better resorts around the world:


1. Kitzbühel, Austria

Austria is a damn fine country, with beautiful ski-slopes alive with the sound of music. Kitzbühel is probably the country’s best-known resort, with its notoriously challenging Streif slope forming the final, hopefully unbroken, leg of the Alpine Skiing World Cup.

Kitzbühel has much to offer the amorous, amateur winter sportsman. It’s known as the “Pearl of the Alps,” and the beauty of its setting and architecture has changed little over its 700 year history as an alpine resort. Despite its fancy reputation though, there are a surprising number of affordable places to stay. You’ll find many great restaurants too, a lot of which are reasonable enough that you won’t be washing dishes after the bill arrives. And as for the nightlife, it’s “vibrant,” as they say.

On the downside, the slopes are crowded and beginners aren’t all that well catered to. Plus, good snow is often in short supply. Of course, that just means there’ll be more people in the pubs and clubs… Ultimately, if you’re less into the piste than you are into getting piste and chatting up lassies, Kitzbühel may be right for you.


2. St. Anton am Arlberg, Austria (St. Anton)

While in Austria, be sure to check out St. Anton. It’s got the reputation as having the best skiing in the Arlberg region, as well as the most happening après-ski scene. The town offers a grand total of:

a) fifteen cafes, full of relaxed coffee-drinking lovelies with cheeks a-glow from the bracing mountain air.

b) eight bars full of happy, adventurous young ladies drawn by the resort’s skiing, snowboarding and other attractions.

c) eight “ice bars,” full of same but with permanent nipple-stands.

d) three discos, full of hilarious European men dancing to the likes of Abba, and beautiful European women eager to meet American tourists willing to pass themselves off as Canadian, and

e) eighteen restaurants, just bursting with gaming opportunities.

The skiing and whatever’s pretty good too!


3. Whistler Blackcomb, British Columbia

Moving away from Austria, we come to Whistler, widely considered one of North America’s best ski-resorts. If you’re feeling the pinch on your wallet this year (and who isn’t?) then travel to Europe is probably out of the question anyway. In fact, a lot of Europe will be coming to Whistler for the 2010 Winter Olympics!

Whistler is America’s largest ski resort, and Blackcomb offers a fantastic 5,280-foot vertical descent. That’s like falling from a light aircraft through some really dense clouds. So, Whistler offers a skiing experience on par with a European resort, but what’s the nightlife like?

Well, pretty similar really, and even bigger in some ways… or should we say weighs? Maybe we should, because there are over one hundred restaurants to choose from. Plenty of clubs too, full of all the usual suspects: wide-eyed, over-privileged private schoolgirls, bored trophy-wives looking for a little marital infidelity and everything in-between. We recommend the in-between part mostly, less chance of doing jail-time or being chased by an enraged, ski-pole-wielding husband.


4. Mont-Tremblant, Quebec

Speaking of in-between, Mont-Tremblant is a great way to get that international feel of people speaking foreign, without having to shell out for a transatlantic flight. Tremblant is located about an hour from Montreal, making it just a short jump from Pierre Trudeau airport. Even better, you can catch a flight through Newark that takes you direct to the resort!

Mont-Tremblant is the best of both worlds, with the rustic charm of a small Canadian village and the attractions of a European ski resort. Bars in town are mostly swimming in kitsch of a maple syrup consistency – stuffed moose-heads on the wall, hockey games on the screen and Molson on tap. Though there are exceptions from this rule, these places tend to be the most popular. But hey, you can put up with a beavers for the sake of beaver, yes? Particularly as the French-Canadian variety is known to be especially toothsome.

Mont-Tremblant is really pulling out all the stops in terms of off-slope entertainment and is opening a casino there shortly. What with dog-sledding and sleighing, a surrounding national park and canoeing, this place should now have something for everyone.


5. The Xanadu Project, New Jersey

Opening Summer 2009, Meadowlands Xanadu will be America’s first indoor skiing attraction. This means you get the benefits of skiing and snowboarding combined with a skydiving tunnel (a vertical wind-tunnel), a baseball stadium, and a mall that attracts young hotties of all types. It’s not your purist’s idea of ski resort, but the mall will bring the ladies in and the skiing will give them a hankering for body warmth. The huge array of entertainment options affords a lot of options to meet women, and the on-site luxury hotel…well, it gives you major close-the-deal convenience.

We’re thinking this might be a great spot to practice your skiing during the summer months. You want to be on your best form when you hit the real thing. And hey, in that same spirit you can hit on New York mall-queens to get some practice in for when you hit on proper women at all the resorts.

Any man-whores out there have any stories from a vacation to one of these (or any other) resorts? We promise not to tell your girlfriend or wife when we see her.

Leave a Comment

  1. boarder says:

    Whistler is in Canada, not America, unless you meant North America when you said "Whistler is America’s largest ski resort"

  2. Pat says:

    It did refer to north america in the previous sentence, so should reads fine with that antecedent basis