No More Waiting for Beer: Introducing The Table Tap TableTender

You know what really grinds my gears?

Waiting twenty years for a one stinking pint of beer at a bar.

I know I’m not alone here. It’s probably one of the biggest complaints that people have when they go out. But, that could be yesterday’s problem.

A dude in Georgia came up with a concept so simple that we should all by collectively smacking ourselves in the head for not doing it first. Gentlemen, I proudly present The Table Tap TableTender.


If you haven’t figured it out yet, here’s the deal.

The TableTender is a table that just so happens to dispense beer. Like most other taps, there are lines that run from the kegs to the table, which are hidden in the floor, ceiling, walls, etc.

There’s a couple of things that make this awesome.

Numero uno, no more waiting in line for a beer.

Now any of us can act like Tom Cruise in Cocktail and pour ourselves some drinks and share some limmericks. If that isn’t your thing, then just consider the “no more waiting in line with money waving trying to catch the attention of a bartender until they finally notice you” aspect. Of course, that means no more flirting with the hot bartender, but there’s other fish in the sea.

You get charged for the amount you pour.

There’s a meter inside the TableTender that starts running as you start pouring, which I like. Let’s just say that you have to pick up the kids in an hour and really don’t have the time to drink another pint, you can just pour yourself half a pint and be only charged for that amount.

You get to chose what beer you want.

The taps for this system can hook up to 16 different kegs, which means a decent selection. Once you go to your table, you have a choice of which two beers you want hooked up to your table.

Of course this doesn’t mean that you can sit at the table and drink yourself into a drunken stuper. There’s another meter that cuts off the tap after eleven pints. At this point a waitress comes over to check you out. That person then deceides to turn the tap back on or call you a taxi.


For a larger party this could pose a problem, but hey, at least you can flirt with the waitress.

Finally, you may be asking yourself two more questions.

Is this legal?


Can I get this at home?

Probably not right now, but I’m hoping that there will be a home edition. For now you can dish out $200 for a lamer version.

Leave a Comment

  1. Jeff says:

    This might possibly be the greatest invention since the computer began to allow us to drunkenly comment on articles about getting shitfaced. Just sayin'.