Name: Vito (C’est) La Vie, son of aspiring film-maker, Cecil B. De La Vie and home maker, Fanny Tee Hee (nee Vee) La Vie, two carefree and loving parents. Born with a zest for life and all things sparkling.
Birthday: Who knows? Who cares?
Birthplace: See above
Current Residence: I commune rather than reside in any one special place. My ceiling is the sky, my floor the earth and my vista is usually limited to whatever they are showing on Lifetime television. My lifestyle keeps me out of doors and in flannel, mostly. In one of my homes near the Arctic Circle, lifestyles are often threatened but usually ignored.
Ethnic Background: I am Ceasarian by birth, but accept all nationalities as my own. This may sound noble, but it is in reality very confusing and sometimes the cause of giant and unrelenting headaches.
Description: I have been told I look like a man who has lived life to the fullest. Sun-tanned, wind-blown, tempest-tossed; that’s me. My face reveals a lifestyle that leaves much to be desired. Don’t look too closely. I am told that whatever I have is catching.
Education: Elementary school, where I learned in later life to say and mean it: “Elementary, my dear Watson.” I also spent some time at the University of Zanzibar where I studied mostly how to spell it quickly.
Favorite Places to Visit: Amoeba and paramecium conferences, pro and anti life meetings (at the same time).
Favorite Pastimes: Clinking to someone’s health, counting raindrops, attending (and crashing) wedding parties, celebrating birthdays and unbirthdays (I drink too much).
Favorite Television Station: What else? Lifetime TV
Favorite Movies: It’s a Wonderful Life, Deliverance
Favorite Songs: Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella Even When it’s Not Raining, Life’s a Bowl of Cherries But Mostly with Pits
Favorite Accessories: Monogrammed brandy snifters and champagne glasses, so I am always ready to celebrate anything.
Favorite Proverb: When life gives you lemons, make lemons.
Plans for the Future: I plan to live until I die and afterwards, if I can figure out how to do it. Give me time. I am working on it.