Lifestyle

7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

czech 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Maybe you’re a guy that travels to get away, forget about the daily grind, and have some adventure. Or maybe you travel to see new places, experience new cultures, and meet people with life experiences different from yours. No matter your motivation to get out of town, if you are single, your time away becomes exponentially better when you hook up with a gorgeous woman (or three) during your trip. It transforms a mere trip into an ultimate vacation.

So where to go if you want the odds of having a travel tryst tipped more in your favor? Here are some of the better destinations we’ve discovered:

1. Oslo

oslo 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Norway is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world when it comes to casual sex. But don’t take our word for it, ask the Durex Global Sex Survey of 2003.  In addition to polling, we’re guessing Durex is putting Spanish fly in the water supply – and hey, we’re all for that idea. Seeing as only women drink water, aphrodisiacing the stuff is the ideal solution.

Elle magazine also conducted an interesting survey of the randomly scattered contents of female heads. They found 75% of Norwegian women consider pre-marital consummation to be “essential,” and 90% of them need (nay, demand!) to be sexually satisfied. Even better, a large majority of Norsettes feel a good man is more important than their job, family or even children. That’s right, they’ll quit their job to “sleep in” with you, and sell their own babies for more lube.

So really, go to Norway. Not only is it a country of gorgeous, long-legged loosey-gooseys of a sexually liberal and aggressive bent, it’s one of the few remaining nations where you can get a decent whale kebab. By which we don’t mean skewer a fat chick (you can do that anywhere, anytime, if you’re so inclined) but rather to go to Oslo’s Inferno Fest and eat the food of the metal gods; an actual whale kebab.  Preferably while shagging several cute Norwegians girls (in uniform) , listening to Emperor and downing ale  – it’s the Viking way, after all.

2. Prague

Prague 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Ah yes, Eastern European women and their blonde, bosomy ways. The Czechlandish women have a particularly good reputation for looks, though not necessarily for impeccable moral conduct. Due to silly old Communism’s blanket ban on competing religions, Czechistani women are quite likely to be hell-bound heathens, making them far more inclined to slobbering or clambering all over your dirty bod. And tons of them are still celebrating throwing off the binds of Communism in general by having no-strings-attached sex-laden adventures with the likes of you.

One thing to bear in mind while wandering about Prague, leering suggestively and holding fistfuls of dollar bills under the noses of housewives and shop-girls, is that yes, the buildings are meant to look that old. Prague’s one of the few European cities that didn’t get bombed to Hell during WWII.

Besides the time-warp architecture and the women, another great thing about Prague is the cheap beer. Most everything else is relatively cheap too, so it’s a good destination to meet budget-conscious backpacker-types. This is a demographic which lends itself nicely to cynical sexual exploitation, so hey, even if the Czechish ladies won’t give you the time of day because you’re speaking English, there’s a chance of pulling some dizzy Australian or Scottish girl at one of the all-night bars. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the cheap beer.

3. New York City

 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Just kidding, there are no attractive women in America. But, there plenty of foreign tourists in the Big Apple.

4. Interlaken

Interlaken 550x388 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Interlaken, as its name suggests, is a giant lake into which corpses are entombed. This makes it a popular pick-up spot for those with good funeral game and necrophiliacs – ok, not really. Interlaken is a Switzerlandic ski-resort of high renown.

Now, the thing about ski-resorts is that once the sun goes down, there’s nothing for all the snow-enthusiasts to do, besides drink or the other thing. It’s this other thing which is at mind here, seeing as when the women-ladies are young and athletic, one doesn’t need to drink.

And young and athletic they generally are, as Interlaken attracts the snowboarding set. Yes, in addition to wealthy, cougarly skiists for one to gigoloize, there are plenty of extreme-sporty, Mountain Dew-chugging nymphettes to ravish. Said nymphettes are lured by not only the snowboarding, but the bungee jumping, rock climbing, abseiling, canyoning, white-water rafting, hang-gliding and skydiving on offer in Interlaken. And of course, the abundance of trendy youngsters makes for lively nightlife, with every club guaranteed to be packed to the rafters with amorous, adventurous adrenaline-junkies. If our research is correct, this is the type most likely to engage in 75% female, funicular-railroad four-ways so hey, get to it.

5. Tel Aviv

Tel Aviv 550x362 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Hailing from Western and Eastern Europe, as well as the Middle East, the Israelis are an interesting and varied lot. Whether you prefer them pale, almond-eyed or dusky, there’s a something for everyone. Hell, even if you prefer them humpy, long-lashed and able to cross deserts without water, you’re close to the Bedouins and their beautiful camel contests.

Now, the real reason Tel Aviv gets the nod is as follows: explosions. Yup. See, Israel gets a lot of them, mostly due to having set up shop in the middle of the Arabic living room, right in front of the TV.

What this means in practical terms is that Israelis, in addition to being slightly deaf and prone to talking loudly, all go in for national service. Women included. This is great because it means a lot of women of “marriageable” age are striding around purposefully in full uniform, adorably pretending to be proper soldiers. Plus, they’re fit, non-prissy and know how to unload an assault rifle on full automatic, if you take our meaning. That’s enough to trigger another explosion anytime, so get ready to annex her Gaza Strip all the way to the Wailing Wall.

6. Caracas

Caracas 550x412 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

This is based on pure beauty, as opposed the ease of easy women. Venezuelan women genetically are ridiculously hot, as evidenced by the fact that they’ve won more Miss Universe beauty contests than anyone else. No really, that second place ranking is a lie – remember what we said about the Ugly States of America back in #3?

7. Beijing

beijing 7 of the Best Cities to Pick Up Women

Come back, American women, all is forgiven! If the other cities are the ripest fruit for consensual sex, Beijing is the pretty green seed. See, China’s gender ratio is way off, with about 120 boys to every 100 girls.  The People’s Republic is a bit of a sausage fest, it seems. Probably explains all the fevered “bird’s nest” symbolism of their Olympic ceremony anyway.

Nor is this the most disturbing stat that can be cited. According to the ever-reliable (except when you’re as passionate and over-endowed as we are) Durex’s 2004 Global Sex Survey,  China “boasts” both the highest number of sexual partners and the lowest frequency of orgasms. This suggests to us that Chinese women are easy, but dreadful old waxworks in bed. Or their men are completely sexually incompetent with their digits, which leaves you with a huge opportunity to increase the quantity of female screams in China not related to oppression. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a barrage of incoming nuclear missiles to dodge.

Leave a Comment