Olympic Hopeful Opens Brothel

To fund his taekwondo Olympic attempts in 2012, a New Zealander named Logan Campbell, who represented his country in the 2008 Olympics, has come up with an interesting although far from novel idea to support his sporting career.

Campbell has opened a brothel to fund his sporting needs, as he is too embarrassed to ask his parents for their continued support. His 14-room, “gentleman’s club,” as he likes to call it, represents the only hope he has to continue his intensive training for the London Games.

The only problem is that such an endeavor could disqualify him from this international sport. Taekwondo’s international governing body is not too thrilled about Logan’s lucrative but shady sub-life as a pimp.

The 23-year-old Campbell insists that his business in no way violates New Zealand’s liberal laws on prostitution. (Six years ago it was decriminalized and brothels are allowed to operate with few restrictions.)

Campbell says: “This is perfectly legal, so I do not see why I would wreck my chances.”

In the words of New Zealand’s Secretary General, Matt Ransom: “It may be unlikely that he will be selected because of his involvement.”

John Schofield, Taekwondo’s Team NZ funding manager, told the press: “Selection takes into account not just performance but also the athlete’s ability to serve as an example to the youth of the country.”

Logan is an accomplished athlete who finished in the top 16 in Beijing. He claims that he is open to other ways to raise funds, but since no others have been suggested to him, this will have to do. His projected goal is to “earn” some $190,000 over the course of the next two years.

Until this venture, Campbell’s hard-working parents had been supporting his Olympic dream. He came up with this idea and went into business with another young man, Hugo Phillips. Together they established a very successful “high class escort agency.”

He says in his own defense: “When people think of a pimp they think of a guy standing around on a street corner with gold chains…Pimps are more tough-type guys. I’m an owner of an escort agency.”

Well, if you change what you call it, does that mean you change what it is?

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