Offbeat

Rectal Power: An Unexpected Source of Expansion and Strength

The police in the state of Washington have a rather odd situation on their hands. They may or may not be familiar with Ripley’s Believe it or Not, but after a recent prison smuggling incident they may well become believers of those extraordinary tales, for they have a distinct one all their own.

A 24 year-old prisoner named Gavin Stanger was able to smuggle an amazing amount of contraband into the Chelan County Regional Justice Center in Wenatchee, Washington. Hidden up his rectum was an incredible and quite varied assortment of items. They included: a green cigarette lighter, cigarette papers, a golf ball size bag of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a small bag of marijuana and a one-inch long smoking pipe!

Due to the fact that Stanger’s sentence was a misdemeanor punishable by only three days for disorderly conduct, one can only wonder what kind of “luggage” he would have packed away for a longer stay. In the words of Sgt. John Kruse, a police department spokesman:

“We were all wondering how he put all that up there. The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce.”

When Stanger was first arrested he was initially searched as part of standard operating police procedure but nothing was found. It was only afterwards when a prison official discovered a plastic bag and some duct tape floating in the cell toilet that the prisoner was questioned again (and again and again) until he eventually “handed over” the rest of his illicit horde.

Authorities are stymied by Stanger’s odd prowess and are determined to get to the bottom of this. (Sorry, couldn’t resist).

Perhaps there’s a place for him somewhere in Circe de Soleil as some sort of open-ended circus act (whatever the hell that is)!

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