21 Signs That You’re Whipped

She’s the greatest thing that ever happened to you. You’re in love with her and you know that you haven’t changed a bit even though everyone else says that you have.

Wake up and smell the herbal tea! Of course you have changed! Maybe you’ve been told that “change is growth”, but I bet she told you that too!

Below are some signs that can be a great indication that you’re whipped.

1. Every other phrase out of your mouth is, “Yes, Dear”

There was a time when you had your own mind and your own thoughts. Now, you’re told when you’re right and when you’re wrong. In fact, you’re wrong a lot more than you ever thought possible.

She must be so much smarter than you are to always be right and for you to be wrong so often.

What did you ever do without her?

2. You refer to “the guys” as “those people I use to hang out with”

You say that just because you don’t hang out with the same people anymore doesn’t mean you’re whipped.

Think about it for a minute, man! All you have now are “couple friends” and she has “couple friends” and “shopping friends”.

How is this fair?

3. You start a sentence with, “When I use to drink beer”

She made you stop drinking beer? How could you let her take away your beer?

She says your healthier without it or that it looks bad.

That’s a load of crap! It’s beer and you’re a man – and – it’s BEER!

4. Your weekend afternoon shows include “This Old House” and “Project Runway”

Those days of NASCAR and NFL football-filled weekends are gone. Now you watch the “girly” shows and have afternoon brunch with her folks.

That’s one hell of a trade-off for sports, “Sport”!

5. You traded all of your Led Zepplin CDs in for Celine Dion and Avril Lavigne CDs

Certain music that you use to play would result in her wrinkling up her nose or even pouting.

She suggested that there were some newer artists that were more appropriate and sounded better.

Come on, you know you don’t really like that garbage!

6. You stand in the middle of a busy shopping center holding her purse

Holding a purse? You fell for that one?

How difficult is it to say, “No” or even, “Hell no” when she says, “Here. Hold this for me”?

7. You remove panty hose from your shower curtain before taking a shower

It’s even worse than that isn’t it?

She makes you wash you’re shaving stubble out of the sink and insists that you put the toilet seat down or as she puts it, “turn the men’s room back into a ladies’ room”.

8. You put your “little black book” in the recycle bin

It’s a sad, sad day when this happens. I hope you at least had a small memorial service for it or at least a moment of silence.

That book was very good to you and you shared a lot of memories together.

9. Your weekend fishing trips have been replaced with shoe shopping expeditions

Man, I’d love to hear the reasoning behind this one! Don’t tell me you fell for the old, “We never get to spend time together” spiel.

I’m sure you’ve even reasoned it in your own mind that it’s more important to make her happy.

Is it worth giving up your manhood?

10. Your best porn movies have been replaced with “Steel Magnolias” and “When Harry Met Sally”

She even has you watching chick flicks!

Don’t tell me you’ve gotten rid of “The Terminator” and “Rambo” too!

11. Your Playboy and Penthouse magazines have been replaced with Family Circle and Home & Garden

She’s even giving you an “approved reading list”?

I can’t believe that your porn magazines kept your little black book company in the recycle bin! How could you let this happen?

12. You take the time to get a glass for your milk instead of drinking it from the carton

You’re a real “domestic” now, aren’t you? Since when have you owned glass-wear? Let me guess:

You have real dishes now too and not disposables!

Did you know that if they’re not disposable you have to wash them?

13. You have doilies on your furniture

So, the “non-whipped” world would like to know one thing: is there a practical application for doilies? Just kidding!

The non-whipped world doesn’t care diddly about doilies! I can’t believe you fell for that!

14. You’ve developed a fashion sense

You use to think that getting dressed was easy. You put on blue jeans and a T-shirt – any T-shirt because anything goes with jeans. Apparently there are other types of pants out there besides blue jeans and you look “much nicer” in them.

Then you’re presented with another problem: what goes with what? You don’t need to worry about it though, because if you make a mistake, your clothes don’t match, or you’re not dressed for the occasion, she’ll let you know.

In fact, she’ll let you know in a way that you will be certain not to make that mistake again!

15. You fight with her about which would look better in the front yard: pansies or begonias

Here’s a hint for you – look in the mirror and you’ll find the answer, you big pansy!

16. You’ve found yourself on several occasions at the checkout counter of a store with a feminine hygiene product

Oh, God no! She didn’t! You didn’t! Can’t she go to the store and get those things herself?

You fell for the “I’ve got cramps” routine, didn’t you?

17. You now call the hunting shows you use to watch “murder shows”

So she convinced you to give up your hunting shows because she felt they were too violent. Did it ever occur to her that when she picks up meat at the grocery store, it’s “pre-murdered”?

I’m sure you’ve realized that, but you haven’t had the kahunas to tell her.

18. Your mounted deer heads on the wall have been taken down and replaced with pictures of fuzzy kittens

You let her convince you that your prized buck on the wall was not suitable, but pictures of “Fluffy” in a nice calm meadow are much better. Oh, sure it is! Man, what has she done to you?

19. Your “half” of the closet consists of three hangers

I’m not sure how that’s an equal portion of the closet. What’s more? There’s no visible floor space in the closet either. It’s now covered with women’s shoes.

20. You pass up the juicy prime rib for the delicious looking Caesar salad

Come on! You even let her tell you what you should eat?

Do you let her cut your meat for you too? Oh, that’s right. You’re having salad!

21. You passed the “Do You Have the Perfect Boyfriend” test in Cosmopolitan Magazine

First of all, I can’t believe that you took “the test” with her in Cosmopolitan.

That’s bad enough, but you PASSED?

So, there you have it. These are some serious warning signs that you’re whipped.

I hope she’s worth it to you because if you can identify with more than half of these signs, then you lost your manhood a long time ago!

When “the guys” tell you that you’re whipped, make sure that you have her permission to tell them that you’re not!

Just one last question for you: When the two of you dance, who leads?

Leave a Comment

  1. Joe says:

    Well I thought I made it through them all till the last one came up