Steven Seagal is the Most Bad Ass Dude That Ever Lived

Steven Seagal is fighting his way back to the top of action super stardom.

He’s got a new reality show entitled Lawman on the way – we’ll explain more in a minute- and he’s going to be playing a drug lord in Robert Rodriguez’s upcoming blood fiesta Machete.

In case you forgot, didn’t know, or just need evidence, here’s the seven reasons why Steven Seagal is the most bad-ass dude that ever lived.

He Had a Freaking Ponytail


Most guys with a ponytail are those sensitive hippies that you just want to smack in the face. But Seagal made the ponytail cool. Not only did he proudly sport it, none of his opponents ever dared to mess with it. If they did, they knew they were in trouble.

He’s a Rock Star


A lot of actors want to claim that they’re also musically inclined. Scarlett Johansson may be hot, but she’s no singer. Russell Crowe may be a brawler, but he’s no rock star. Seagal, on the other hand, is.

Believe it or not, he’s actually a decent guitar player and has released two albums (Songs from the Crystal Cave in 2005 and 2006’s Mojo Preist) . If you disagree, then he’ll kick your ass. Besides, being a rock star is all about appearance, and who else in their right mind could get away with wearing a komono?

He’s Designed His Own Knife


You may think that a knife is a knife. But Crocodile Dundee proved that otherwise. Seagal knows this, and that’s why he designed his own knife and teamed up with Kershaw Knives to bring it to your doorstep. You know people fear you when you have a knife named after you.

He Was Married to a Model


To further prove that you’re badass, you have to land a hottie. Seagal did just that when he got hitched to his Hard to Kill co-star Kelly LeBrock from 1987-1996. LeBrock was one of the hottest models in the 80’s and was part of every man’s wet dreams, and being the sex object in Weird Science didn’t hurt. The best part is that Seagal split from LeBrock before she became a fatty.

He was one of the Biggest Action Stars of the late 80’s/early 90’s


We all know this. So just enjoy the clip and reminisce on how awesome his movies were, and even continue to be.

He’s a Policeman


I mentioned his new A&E series Lawman. It turns out that Seagal is really a deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish, LA. The show will follow Seagal on and off deputy. And, I’m pretty sure that someone is going to be on the other end of Seagal’s hand.

He’s a 7th-Dan Black Belt in Aikido


We all know that Seagal has got some martial arts skills. But it turns out that he’s an expert. He began studying martial arts when he was 17. Instead of going to a Dojo at a local strip mall, he went to Japan to study from the best. He even became the first Westerner to open a Dojo in Japan. Now that is a badass.

Leave a Comment

  1. macca says:

    Seagal is a joke! Everyone seems to know it but you.

    Also… Crowe hasn't been in a fight in many years , so give it up … and have you ever actually listened to him play? He and his band were pretty good, and the live show I saw was a lot of high energy fun.

  2. semilost says:

    What a BS article.Segal is a head case and four-star joke. And his self proclaimed martial art skills (?) have been questioned by others….Apparently the writer bought all of Segal's boasts.

    • Hugh Chardon says:

      Hmmmm…Four-star joke…like an anon. drippy fuckwad posting about "self proclaimed" skills. Hmmmmm… Where's your YouTube clip showing a 17 y.o. earning a black belt ? Hmmmm ? Sounds like sour grapes, and smells like no discipline…My sensei would say "Sweep floor, when floor is perfect..then you can start to learn."

  3. Robbo says:

    ha, you previous posters are just jealous of Seagal's AWESOMENESS

  4. Maiq says:

    Fuck yeah! Chuck Norris is a pussy, Steven Seagal is da man!

  5. His Cobbness says:

    Go kick his ass if hes such a joke. Ill send you an ambulance.

  6. Nathan says:

    Lol. you guys are right. The Japanese have a long history of just giving away belt advancements to westerners(or anyone) just because the guy showed up for class. Or maybe he earned them. Clearly he has been questioned about his skills simply because he is a film actor and everyone of them gets the "that guy is crap, I could kick his ass" from every two bit wannabe tough guy with 6 months of dojo instruction. I am not saying he is complete awesome but I am willing to bet he could take every comment poster currently on this board

  7. Zatoichi says:

    Proponents of Aikido seem a little too willing to be thrown. Just my observ.

  8. Zatoichi says:

    Oh, and one other thing – a big ego is not a welcome part of any discipline. How appropriate this mix is in french.

  9. Jester says:

    Segal is a tool, and his martial arts have no practicality in the real world

  10. Ellis says:

    Chuck Norris can kick his ass!

  11. billbo says:

    The more awesome Cuck norris could kick the pony tail man's arse toot sweet with just his flipping pinky dude !

  12. jason says:

    He's a bad ass because the way he shoots in movies is the way he shoots in life. I've sen it first hand and gun's n Ammo or handguns did a couple of articles on him

  13. lau says:

    bruce lee > * end of story

  14. Eugthehuge says:

    He made the Woman in Red his wife. What could possibly ttop that?????

  15. Jonathan says:

    He might have some talent but he knows himself that he cannot act so he doesn't even try to ! He only knows action movies and by todays standards they suck ! He does know some martial art training but by higher standards set by people such as Jet Li, Tony Jaa, just to mention a few he should really retire. It is very tough in Hollywood. Jean Claude Van Damme is the same . They don't even do their own stunts!!

  16. Mike says:

    I had a friend whose boyfriend worked out with and trained with Segal, he is for real but he is also full of himself and a pompous ass.

  17. 1957roe says:

    i think steven segal is one of the sexiest men. i watch every film he is in. he is talented in so many things. so what if he put on weight. how many men in their 50ths havent. he could be bald and still be sexy. look at sean khroney. you guys are all jealous.

  18. Bondfan69 says:

    Sean Connery is 79

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