Name: Ezekiel Ion, Esquire, but my surname name is more positive than negative. I prefer to be called Zeke for a number of reasons. First of all, I can’t spell Ezekiel, and secondly, it rhymes with geek and creep, two of my favorite things.
Birthday: I was born somewhere around the time of the last appearance of Haley’s Comet. Dates are all relative anyway. Isn’t that what Einstein used to say? You’re only as old as you feel, and as Billie Burke once said, “Age doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
Birthplace: Make a sharp right at the 21st parallel, and head north towards the Pole. The hospital is somewhere near there, north of New York City and Greenwich, England.
Current Residence: Inside your hard drive, mostly. I sometimes travel to software and other planets, but mostly, I am a homebody. I prefer to watch the dynamics of technological progress from the comfort of my own personal galaxy.
Ethnic Background: DNA suggests that I am a misplaced Viking with roots in Hoboken, New Jersey, but I believe I am really…an Italian/Jewish mix. I think so because I love pasta, opera, Andre Bocelli and those cute little statues. I also secretly crave knishes and feel guilty about sooo many things: creation, Timothy Leary, stars, planets, tsunamis, stolen computers; you name it and I feel guilty about it.
Description: I stand 5’ 14” (I never liked 6’2”) and I have black, spiked hair that lights up at night ever since I was struck by lightning about ten years ago. I used to have freckles but I had them surgically removed and now my cheeks light up too. I’ve always looked on the bright side. I never need a flashlight. That’s something, isn’t it?
Education: I have a degree from somewhere, but I couldn’t tell you where. I’ll let you know as soonas they email it to me.
Favorite Places To Visit: The Star Trek Convention during Leap years, the International Space Station (upon departure) Mars or Venus (upon landing) and Newark Airport whenever I am not headed anywhere.
Favorite Movies: My Big Fat Geek Wedding, 2001, A Space Odyssey, Atheists in Space, Up Further, Telescope.
Favorite Department Store: Geeks R Us
Favorite Accessories: Divining rods, metal detectors, Geiger counters and seismographs. I have several of each in different colors to match different seasonal ensembles when I travel abroad in search of uranium, earthquakes, gold, silver and my cousin, Merlin.
Favorite Pastimes: Running at the speed of light, cursing in Aramaic at the moon, counting raindrops and snowflakes.
Favorite Proverb: The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth
Plans For The Future: To find a cure for penicillin and donate the left side of my brain to science. (The right side belongs to my mother.) I would also like to mutate into another life form, although I am certain that if I did, all insight would be lost.